Since last couple of days, I have come across a lot of articles on mothers – working and non-working ones.
The working mothers most of the times feel the pressure of managing family and work – they carry a bit of guilt of not spending enough time with their kids and how they sometimes miss the most important moments when their kids are growing.
On the other hand, there are feelings expressed by the non-working ones that reflect how they choose motherhood over career, how they left their well-paying settled jobs just to be with their kids and cherish each and every moment.
And then I sit and wonder – where do I fit in?
As the mother’s day approach near, I would like to tell something to you my son – through this letter.
I want to tell you, that I am a working woman and I work because I have the passion to work – more than the need. I enjoy the status of “getting noticed” in the crowd. I dream of being a respectable and recognised professional. I work to fulfil my ambitions.
Then you may have a question for me – that – mom, are your dreams and ambitions more important than me?
No, my son, absolutely not. You are the most precious gift I have got in my life. There is nothing more important than you – not even my own self.
I stepped back from my dreams when you came in my life, and I will always do the same whenever you will need my complete attention – without any second thought.
But by me working, there are a lot of lessons I can teach you – that may not be as effective otherwise.
Do remember my son, I don’t want to teach you feminism, I want to cultivate that in you by giving you those experiences. I want you to know that like your dad, your mom shares equal responsibilities and enjoy equal authority at home.
I want you to remember that as I have you in my life, I have my parents too, who have struggled enough to ensure I succeed in life. Would it be a nice thing to be dependent on my spouse to take care of them? Or should I leave them with whatever available resources they have – even though I have the capabilities to give them a better life?
Yes I do miss some moments where I wish I didn’t have this hat of a working women. But then, don’t I have hats of all other relations that I maintain within the family? Aren’t there times when I was away from you for a family emergency in your grandparent’s home. So my son, don’t relate my working with me being away from you. We just have a lot of things to manage at the same time.
You may say that, mom, you only taught me that money can’t buy happiness. My son, don’t ever under estimate working with earning. Earning is one benefit why people work, but then there are many more such things above money – satisfaction, self-respect, confidence – a complete package.
Money is the mean to lead a life as per your wish. Money is not life.
Whether working or not working, your smile is the most affectionate thing I crave for. Your upbringing is the most important responsibility of my life.
I take pride in ensuring that I capable of being your support system – in whichever form you need. I am a happy person and I want you to be the same – without guilts, without sacrifices, without any burden on the heart.
I just have a silent wish – that when you grow up as a mature adult – you come to me and say – Mumma, I am proud of you!
I kept noticing her in every now and then. Sometimes I felt she was just like me, other times she seemed a complete stranger.
She keeps running pillar to post – every minute of the day. I was striving to understand what is she trying to do with her life? What keeps her busy around the clock? My curiosity to know her more increased every time I saw her.
And finally today I got the chance to talk to her.
Smiling face, cheerful eyes, energetic body and a composed mind – impressive personality, I thought!
I took a step forward to start our conversation. “hello” I said with a little hesitation. “hey hi” was the answer – from her. From the other person – surprisingly, she resided within me. The person who had been occupying my body, heart and soul – unknowingly – my own self.
So here I was – standing in front of my own outer self.
I see you doing 1000 different activities. Home, office, gym, friends, family, functions, temple, parties. What keeps you going? How do you manage all this? – I asked, still with a little element of surprise in me.
She smiled back – it’s you who keeps me going darling! – an assertive voice replied.
Me?? What?? How?? Storm of questions rose inside. What are you talking about? I always felt I should be like you?
I am always in my own world, day dreaming, hoping for miracles to happen. I like to be quiet, to sit alone, keep thinking for anything and everything forever. How can I be a reason for such an inspiring life of you! People admire you, I am not even noticed.
She understood my sea of thoughts. Listen – she said. Whatever I do are my responsibilities. Not that I don’t enjoy them, but the reason I do them has a partial influence of others.
What I do along with you is my true happiness. Without boundaries, without thinking about anyone else but me. That feels like my own space of being just me – My space that rejuvenates me, cuddles me with love and care, motivate me to chase my dreams, makes me feel important!
Think about it, how our conversations with others are shrinking these days. Conversations meant opening-up for your heart to your beloved before, sharing how you “feel” – being together, doing things together, fighting for something, being crazy, being upset – every emotion that you felt.
It’s very different now. There are mere talks now. “How” has transformed to “what”. What did you do today? What is it for dinner? What’s your plan for weekend? World of “updates”
Isn’t that the reason, people feel lonely, demotivated, uncared, unloved?
Everyone wants this emotional balance in life, they want to experience depth of emotions – no one knows how to achieve it? Is it because of the time, or the incapability to express, or the ego of why me first, or the priority to materialistic happiness? No one cares.
Everyone settles for a day-to-day operational life and keep boosting themselves, or rather lieing to themselves about the perfect world they have carved for themselves.
In all this, my dear, if I have you to share my heart – M I not blessed? 🙂 The warmth in her voice touched my heart.
I had no words in my mouth, no questions in my head – just teary eyes. I didn’t know how to react.
I just walked away – with a gratitude for my “inner self” Thank you, I said to myself. For taking care of the “real” me.
Alarm rings.. 5am.. With drowsy eyes and a strong undesire to get up, I try locating my mobile – just to swipe the snooze button and get that “10 mins more” sweet sleep..
10 mins gone…. alarm rings again.. Why can’t gadgets too feel lazy sometimes? 😐
Finally I make my mind to get up.. Do I have an option?
Slow pace and rubbing eyes, I am out of the bed.. Yet another long day ahead..
And then it strikes me – ohh its special day today.. it’s Women’s Day.. it’s a day to celebrate the pride of being a woman.. to cherish the achievements.. to feel like a queen!! 🙂 🙂
As I start my home chores, I think.. how is women’s day gonna be different at home? I still have to go for walk, make my own coffee, cook, get my handsome little one ready, drop him to school.. aemm.. countless big and small to dos.. So am I really proud of being a women with an endless dance on the toes?
Yes, I am proud – A strong voice shouts from within. Look at the way I multi-task the whole day. I manage my home, my work, my son’s home-work ;), my husband’s taste buds, my parents, my friends, my maid (most importantly), my hobbies, my aspirations!
My world – just a perfect one! 🙂
And then I become a role-model.
TO my son, unknowingly I am teaching him that woman deserve equality, they are not meant “for-home chores only”. I am teaching him to be independent, I am letting him grow more like an individual – obvious reason – I am not around him all the time. I am working!!
TO my husband, I am assuring him that I am there – to share responsibilities – he is not a one man army! I am there to contribute in every little thing we do for our home, an ear for his office troubles – as I have them too! a strong back-up, when he wants to fly for his professional aspirations – he doesn’t need to be holding his discomforts for the sake of home responsibilities.
Wow – what a proud feeling – a working woman, yes I AM!! B-)
9am, I drive Avneesh to school, and keeping my cool, drive through the traffic jams and honking to reach office. I do a bit of make-up before settling on my seat 😛
and then there are e-mails flooded with wishes – happy womens day – from bankers to marketers to shopping sites – all are in full swing to please women!!
HR team makes sure we feel on top of the world today! Flowers, special gifts, games, motivations speeches – I love every moment of this enjoyment! Yes – I tell myself – such a blessing being a working women – happy, independent – full of self-esteem! 🙂
As the day passes and the clock strikes 1, all head for the “special lunch for beautiful ladies”. My heart runs home to see if Avneesh had food? Did he like it or left it halfway? Did he take his morning fruit?
I assure myself that all is going to be well and I don’t need to stress. Wasn’t I convinced with the thought of making him independent??
Day passes by. My mind keeps wandering around home. Did Avneesh do any new thing today that I missed to see? Did he speak a new word?? He must be missing mumma for a garden play, poor chap! 😦
Evening arrives as I start wrapping-up my work. What a pleasant weather it is – perfect for family time with coffee and chitchats! I smile with this thought.. I am sure my husband too would have been missing this! A day-dreamer in me visuals us together!
And then comes an e-mail – urgent action needed. Errr.. Does that mean I am going to be late? Is it yet another miss to a great family evening?? Hmm..
I know my people will understand.. They won’t complaint at all.. They know it’s a need to support family.. Still.. what is this feeling of incompleteness? Would it have been better to let go career, stay at home and enjoy every moment with family?? 😦
SO I finish the urgent tasks and get back home.. It’s too late for a refreshing coffee in the “tiny-fortune paid” home with amazing view from balcony.
Let’s cook-eat-sleep. Simple plan now. 😐
And the day gets over.
This is not just my story – but story of all the women in this world – working or not working doesn’t matter. It’s the story of tremendous patience and balance in a woman’s mind.
It’s about the power a woman has to handle these extremely opposite emotions of pride and guilt every single day!
I am proud of this power, I am proud of this balanced mind. I am proud of being a woman – god’s complete package deal!
Happy women’s day!
So, you are a daughter, and a sister and a wife and a MOTHER and a friend and a professional and a home maker and the list continues!! 🙂
Out of all the roles I play in my life, being a mother is something I enjoy the most. Motherhood is the greatest blessing woman has. It’s an embracing experience, a bundle of responsibilities, authority, joy, innocence and of course a continuous learning!
Yes, my 2.5 years old son is the greatest teacher I have. Life has been so very positive since his arrival. The priorities have changed, the approach towards my own self has transformed – a refreshing feel! 🙂
So what is this learning I am talking about:
Isn’t it the best learning ever? Whenever I see my son, he teaches me to be fearless – because only the present moment is in our control – neither the past and nor the future is. We have to live this moment to the fullest. And that’s what will make our life worth enjoying! 🙂 🙂
A great way of dealing with things! I have been trying something, then leaving it blaming its difficult and then trying it again – on a random basis. The reason of my failure was lack of consistency. Let it be healthy eating or meditation or gyming – I failed countless times. But seeing my baby try all the various things so consistently makes me feel to ape him! 😛 I am sure the one reason for my success now is going to be his teaching!
Well, we are humans and we get bored doing same things again and again. Think about it. Is it so difficult to just tweak a few things here and there – unplanned sometimes – and just be creative!! We are not machines to be monotonous isn’t it 😛
I am sure you have your own learnings (and challenges 😉 ) that you counter every day as a parent. Do share, I am eager to know if I am missing some fun! 😛
Yet another year is passing. the WORLD WIDE people on – WEB are talking about new year resolutions, parties, memories, excitements – all cheerful, vibrant – all just perfect!!
And what am I doing? Writing this blog and at the same time thinking of the “cake to bake” in the evening. 😀
As I browse through my Facebook page, I see something called “Posts of 2015”. I click that and glimpse of my year long memories get
showcased one by one.
I won’t wonder if one day man creates something exactly like part of our brain that store memories 😛 After all, brain also has the rights to OUTSOURCE work 😀 😀
And then I take a recap on this year – 2015 and the Apocalypse
This year has been more of “maintaining” things than achieving more and more. And this has been a year of experiences that made me mature, made me strong emotionally – made me self-aware.
And friends, this is what I really learnt and practiced along this year:
This year gave me a lot of situations where I got confused, got bizarre with options – all equally important. And I had to scratch my head for nights to understand what to choose?
But you know what, confusions are good!! Because they let you analyse your priorities yet again. They create a bonding between you and your loved ones when you share the confusions. Your loved ones feel that their options matter to you! Confusions bring a momentum in your life – something different than your routine work – and of course they motivate you with a feeling of achievement when you really reach a final option for yourself!
Aren’t these benefits worth cherishing being confused???
Most of the time, we feel low when our expectations are not met, when our wishes are not fulfilled. But then look within. Why to feel dependent on someone else for your own happiness. Don’t you have any example of making someone else happy? And if its a yes, which I am sure it is, why not make just yourself happy!!
Think about it. You are the one who knows you in and out, your strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, your dreams, your compromises – a complete YOU. And so, isn’t it necessary valuing your own being?
YOU are the most important person for you.. Try this!!
Many talk about work life balance these days. Psychologists, corporate, your own family members!! But think for a moment? Why call it work-life balance and not LIFE-WORK balance? Isn’t work part of your life? Isn’t your life first??
And more than balancing life and work, isn’t it important to balance your responsibilities in them. Do you really have to feel guilty for that work-off you took when your son wasn’t well, or for those long hours you spend in office for an important delivery.
Every aspect of our life is important and unique in its own way. And hence, balance is important. Our situations decide how to act, and if we have this mental balance in life – life is all good!! Isnt it?
Well, I am sure you too would have a lot of learnings running in your mind as you recap your year long journey.
Let’s open our arms towards the sunset of this last day of 2015 and give a thankful adieu to 2015!
Wish you all a very happy and cheerful 2016!
I couldn’t gather words..
When I was asked, what love means to me
I just know with you it was special and new
Something that was gifted only for me
When we first met..
Love meant that blush sitting by your side
That slight hesitation, that excitement I couldn’t hide
Every song lyricked my feelings for you
Always wondered if u also felt me in you?
When we got along..
Love meant a dreamful journey with u
Growing old together, in happiness and blue
Having family, raising our kids
Making our home, a bit by bit
Now after many years..
Love is a mature feeling of us
A habit, a comfort, a bond of trust
It’s the completeness u bring to my world
Every moment of life, worth to behold!
There is just one thing I feel hasn’t changed by time..
You rule my heart, what more to say?
How more can I explain this cute little play
You are still the first thought when I start my day
I think of just you, when night is at bay!