Me and Her!

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positive-self-talkI kept noticing her in every now and then. Sometimes I felt she was just like me, other times she seemed a complete stranger.

She keeps running pillar to post – every minute of the day. I was striving to understand what is she trying to do with her life? What keeps her busy around the clock? My curiosity to know her more increased every time I saw her.

And finally today I got the chance to talk to her.

Smiling face, cheerful eyes, energetic body and a composed mind – impressive personality, I thought!

I took a step forward to start our conversation. “hello” I said with a little hesitation. “hey hi” was the answer – from her. From the other person – surprisingly, she resided within me. The person who had been occupying my body, heart and soul – unknowingly – my own self.

So here I was – standing in front of my own outer self.

I see you doing 1000 different activities. Home, office, gym, friends, family, functions, temple, parties. What keeps you going? How do you manage all this? – I asked, still with a little element of surprise in me.

She smiled back – it’s you who keeps me going darling! – an assertive voice replied.

Me?? What?? How?? Storm of questions rose inside. What are you talking about? I always felt I should be like you?

I am always in my own world, day dreaming, hoping for miracles to happen. I like to be quiet, to sit alone, keep thinking for anything and everything forever. How can I be a reason for such an inspiring life of you! People admire you, I am not even noticed.

She understood my sea of thoughts. Listen – she said. Whatever I do are my responsibilities. Not that I don’t enjoy them, but the reason I do them has a partial influence of others.

What I do along with you is my true happiness. Without boundaries, without thinking about anyone else but me. That feels like my own space of being just me – My space that rejuvenates me, cuddles me with love and care, motivate me to chase my dreams, makes me feel important!

Think about it, how our conversations with others are shrinking these days. Conversations meant opening-up for your heart to your beloved before, sharing how you “feel” – being together, doing things together, fighting for something, being crazy, being upset – every emotion that you felt.

It’s very different now. There are mere talks now. “How” has transformed to “what”. What did you do today? What is it for dinner? What’s your plan for weekend? World of “updates”

Isn’t that the reason, people feel lonely, demotivated, uncared, unloved?

Everyone wants this emotional balance in life, they want to experience depth of emotions – no one knows how to achieve it? Is it because of the time, or the incapability to express, or the ego of why me first, or the priority to materialistic happiness? No one cares.

Everyone settles for a day-to-day operational life and keep boosting themselves, or rather lieing to themselves about the perfect world they have carved for themselves.

In all this, my dear, if I have you to share my heart – M I not blessed? 🙂 The warmth in her voice touched my heart.

I had no words in my mouth, no questions in my head – just teary eyes. I didn’t know how to react.

I just walked away – with a gratitude for my “inner self” Thank you, I said to myself. For taking care of the “real” me.

 

 

 

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a mother or a learner?

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happy-quotes-1245So, you are a daughter, and a sister and a wife and a MOTHER and a friend and a professional and a home maker and the list continues!! 🙂

Out of all the roles I play in my life, being a mother is something I enjoy the most. Motherhood is the greatest blessing woman has. It’s an embracing experience, a bundle of responsibilities, authority, joy, innocence and of course a continuous learning!

Yes, my 2.5 years old son is the greatest teacher I have. Life has been so very positive since his arrival. The priorities have changed, the approach towards my own self has transformed – a refreshing feel! 🙂

So what is this learning I am talking about:

  • Being fearless – I am sure you would have yourselves noticed kids in the park playing fearlessly on the rides and the swings. They don’t bother about falling down, they just enjoy the moment.

Isn’t it the best learning ever? Whenever I see my son, he teaches me to be fearless – because only the present moment is in our control – neither the past and nor the future is. We have to live this moment to the fullest. And that’s what will make our life worth enjoying! 🙂 🙂

  • Consistency – Since his birth I have been observing him. He keeps doing the same thing again and again till he actually learns it. Let it be crawling, standing up, sitting or walking.. or even talking. His repeated actions give him perfection in what he does.

A great way of dealing with things! I have been trying something, then leaving it blaming its difficult and then trying it again – on a random basis. The reason of my failure was lack of consistency. Let it be healthy eating or meditation or gyming – I failed countless times. But seeing my baby try all the various things so consistently makes me feel to ape him! 😛 I am sure the one reason for my success now is going to be his teaching!

  • Creativity – Trying something new every time is something that amazes me about him. The small brain inside him can relate anything anywhere – imagine he playing with a “griddle” singing “wheels on the bus” rhyme! 😀 😀

Well, we are humans and we get bored doing same things again and again. Think about it. Is it so difficult to just tweak a few things here and there – unplanned sometimes – and just be creative!! We are not machines to be monotonous isn’t it 😛

I am sure you have your own learnings (and challenges 😉 ) that you counter every day as a parent. Do share, I am eager to know if I am missing some fun! 😛

 

Holding your hand….

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handsIn search of love, I always wandered
Is that a collage of 2 beautiful hearts
Or a journey, together and apart
Is that a mix of surprises and sorrow
Or just a pair of bow and arrow
And then came you, oasis in the sand
Love is togetherness, holding your hand….

In search of happiness, I always wandered
Is it an emotion that makes me fly
Or a spirit that takes off the sigh
Is it the smile after the tears
Or just a word people call “cheers”
And then came you, greenery in barren land
Happiness is fulfillment, holding your hand….

In search of life, I always wandered
Is it a book that slowly unfolds
Or just a hope that you always hold
Is it a basket of pleasure and pain
Or a story that’s completely insane
And then came you, like a musical band
Life is experiences, holding your hand….

Mom’s lap.. ♥

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Mom 1My mom – the first one to know me when I was not even born. The one who cared me before me seeing this world, the one who understood me before even me understanding myself. The first and the most special relation I made in my life.

That’s what god says – “just because I can’t be present everywhere, I have given you a mom” 🙂

When I was born, my mom would have felt that I completed her world. I am sure she spent all these years dreaming about my future, praying for my well-being, protecting me from all the evils of the world.

In my childhood, she molded me to be a good human-being, gave me values of life that define what I am today, became a teacher (rather the most strict teacher :P) so I get the importance of education, played with me as a friend, taught me value of social life and the various relations that we hold. She sacrificed her own dreams for me and would have seen them come true through me.

Like a potter, she molded the pot of my life ♥

As I grew to the most rebellion age of teen, friends became priority. Mom became a character who imposes restrictions all the time. Listening to friends and being with them all the time was like a prestige of life, ignoring what mom had to say about it. Mom was like a old-fashioned person in life.  Though I loved her so much that time as well, I never bothered to tell her the same. She was more of a person whom I can take for granted anytime and everytime.

Mom silently absorbed all that and still kept caring the same way as she was.

Then came the age of early twenties. Mind and heart were full of dreams of bright future, college, career. Enjoyment of life was at the fullest.  New friends, new jobs, new environments kept coming and going and I got too involved in these attractions. Mom was at home, for me, just to be informed where I am. That’s it. Yeah, sometimes to order her to cook my favorite dishes.

Mom still adapted to whatever I did.

When I told her that I want to marry the person I love, of course her dreams of my marriage would have got scattered. However, just for my happiness, she agreed and made sure the biggest event of my life was made the most memorable one.

Even today, when I am busy managing work and home, she keeps calling me everyday to know my well-being. Sometimes I speak with her sometimes, sometimes disconnect her calls when I am in meetings, sometimes forget to call her back due to work, but she has not given up her consistency.

That’s what my mom is!!

Today, when I am taking this journey to be a mom soon, I realize what all my mom has done for me and what all I have given her in return.

Of course I never forgot my responsibilities towards her health, towards giving her those small surprises on her birthday and all, but when I look at what she has done for me, they all look too small to be done for her.

I feel lucky to have her in my life and feel sorry that I couldn’t do much for her that she really deserved.

I feel like silently putting my head in her lap and ask her forgiveness. I am sure whatever stage of life I am, my mom’s lap is the most secure place for me in this whole world where I will get unconditional love without any second thought.

Love you mom!

The place I call “HOME”..

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Beaches, mountains, wonders of the world I may roam
Nothing better I found than the place I call home..

My home is not a palace, nor its a castle
It’s a simple place away from all hassles..

It’s a place my mind seeks the much needed peace
Just a small one, with everything of my ease..

It sees me in all my laugh and cry
It witnesses my happiness and my sigh..

Stands by me to welcome friends and family
Has so much warmth that strangers too feel homely..

Gives me space to explore myself
Reminds of hobbies that are kept in the shelf..

Holds me tight with the flowers yellow pink and white
Sprinkles the beauty of moon stars and the black night..

Gives me the food I need to survive
Here I dance and sing, here I revive..

The walls showcase pictures of the happy times
Birds on the windows sing melodious rhymes..

Doors tell me I can shut things that deeply hurt
I am well protected, the roof always asserts..

It’s my temple, where I silently sit and pray
It’s my heart, where all my emotions stay..

It’s my womb, where my soul reside
It’s my sky to fly, my wings spread wide..

It’s a comfort, where I can always rest
It’s the place that tells me I am the BEST!

Home sweet home, reflection of my own
Nothing better I found than the place I call home 🙂

A Big Thank-You!

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A journey indeed, in an emotional roller-coaster.” ― Ana Monnar

This date – 30th September – is very special to me because 8 years ago on this date was my first step in the corporate world!

When I had entered my office on the 1st day, my heart just had confidence in it which said this journey will be fun! Apart from that were imaginations of how a “working” life will be, a little butterfly feeling in the stomach, a bit of nervousness, a bit of excitement – a mixed bag sitting in the corner of my heart!

This journey has given me a lot – bitter sweet memories, learning and maturity, patience, people who become friends, achievements, disappointments – in short a big, colourful balloon of experiences! 🙂

Today, through this post, I thank all the people who directly and indirectly played a role in my journey. I have learnt something or the other from each one of you that has helped me grow.

Each and every memory of this journey is fresh in my heart and is my wealth earned!

A BIG THANK-YOU TO ALL!

♥ Love just needs.. TIME.. ♥

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We have many loved ones around us – our family, friends, well-wishers. They all love us and so do we. However life has become so fast-paced that we hardly get time express our love for them. We hardly get the time to think what is working right, what is going wrong in our life or hardly care to find roots of our own feelings. We just keep running every minute, every hour, every day ignoring our inner self that seeks peace and satisfaction.

Today, as I sit in the window looking at rain, I am trying to figure out that missing block in me. Rain has always given that freshness to my mind to think right. When the tiny rain drops sprinkle on my face, I feel that all the wrongs are going to be wiped out of me and I will come out clean 🙂 So I start clean, thinking, analyzing my life and making sure to rectify my mistakes.

I am sure many of you all would agree that though you wanted to call a friend, or visit your parents – something came up and you couldn’t. Call it our poor time management skill or just overload of work, we really don’t have time.

Being a working woman, I too have to keep juggling between roles of a home-maker to a manager to a cook to what not. My time flies so fast that at the end of the day, I don’t have time to talk to myself, and so to my loved ones too.

Thanks to the medical leave I took that gave me breathing space to reflect back on my life, to analysis what my people expect from me and what I am not able to give them, to realize that I am hurting people who mean the most to me.

“Its better now then never” – truly said and that’s what I followed! 🙂

My mom calls me every day without fail just to check whether I had food on time, whether I am doing fine. However most of the times, I just disconnect her call or make it short saying I am busy and I will call her. Not that I don’t want to talk to her, just that I can’t manage time well in my tight schedule of the day. I wondered today how much time it takes for me to just give a buzz to her and tell her I am fine, I had food and ask her not to worry – hardly 10-15 mins I would guess. Can’t I manage this much? What do our parents expect from us, just a little time to care them, or at least respect the care they have for us. These 10-15mins call will give her so much happiness and sense of relief and its so easy for me to do this! Mom, I hurted you till now but I promise I won’t repeat this from today!

Thinking all this, I called her and trust me, I could feel her smile over the phone. Love you mom! 🙂

Then my thinking cap turned towards my friends who care so much for me. I have been missing calls from my best friends due to a meeting or a client call or just because I was into something important. In short – I was taking my friends for granted that they understand, unknowingly giving them a feeling that I don’t care for the care they have for me, which of course is not true.

Now was the time to call them and tell them that I am privileged to have them in my life and apologize. For sure I knew, they will take it light and we ended up our call with laughs and light heart 🙂

And now last, but definitely not the least – my husband. Though we are a nuclear family and have all privacy that we need, there is a little time that overlaps for us where we are together at home. I have been cribbing about this to him since we got married but we never reached any solution for this nor were we determined enough to do so.  Our routine for evening is to come home and then me getting into cooking and he busy watching TV.

However, since the time my health got little upset, I saw a change in him – rather a BIG change. 🙂 In a day, I get many sms’s asking about my lunch, my snacks, my work tension. Now, the TV watching time has become our “evening walk together” time and the “morning getting up late time” has become salad cutting time for us. 🙂 The alarms that he hated for all his life have become reminders for my medicines now. I am happy with this change, just that I didn’t convey with to him yet. Now, I have decided to call him and tell him how much it means to me 🙂 That’s what is my next call now.

Today with this blog, I want to thank all my loved ones for their love, care and support. I want to tell them that they mean the world to me.

Time is the basic expectation our loved ones have from us no matter how busy we are or what is keeping us occupied. Someone close to me once said – couple of minutes spent for loved ones when we don’t have time carries more value than hours spent with them when we are free. How true is that!

At the end of the day, the memories we have with them and the smile on their faces matter the most in this world. Is that not what we are earning for?