The lost world

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lostworldSundays for working women are typically the most hectic ones. All the preparation done on this day defines how smooth or chaotic the week ahead is going to be. Hence, there is a constant caution given to the lazy mind not to get distracted seeing the cozy pillows and the bed and the TV and the “rest day” theory labelled for this “action packed” day.

However, as most of the poets would agree, mind has limited control over a strong heart and if heart has a strong desire to convince us that we need rest for ourselves, no power on earth can control this happenings.

Last Sunday was a similar story for me. Morning was a motivated one, with a to-do list ready over a cup of coffee and a clear plan on goals of the day and a achievers feeling about my great planning skills.

My day was flowing well, exactly as per my plan. And then came a trailer on the TV. Coming soon – movie – the lost world. Something in me got hooked to it. Not that I love seeing the scary dinosaurs, but the title – THE LOST WORLD.

I sat and thought to myself. Where is my world? Am I living in it? Or is it lost as well? These questions disturbed me. Come on, what all nonsense are you thinking – said my inner self. But deep down, I knew. These questions were real. They were staring at me, waiting for answers – the REAL answers.

My thoughts kept wandering. Has life become just a routine to follow? Or a race to ensure perfection, hoping someone will appreciate it – and then hiding the disappointment behind an “understanding” face?

Where are the laughs that had no reason, just had a comfort of being together? Where are the dreams that kept me energised to face every day? Where are the success stories that made me feel an achiever? Where are the failures that reinforced presence of my dear ones when I needed a shoulder?

Has it become a rat race? Really?

All the motivational books and the inspiring blogs teach us that life is how we take it. Our positive thoughts are going to shape a positive and happy life for us. Listen to music and you will feel good, watch a movie, get that immersive experience and come out of the theatre with a feeling of – let me do something!

But is that what the heart wants? How much can you really motivate yourself? What if someone just did something to make you smile? What if someone just cared enough about your feelings? What if answer to all your frustrations was just a hug away? What if someone was with you – just unconditionally?

Aren’t these magical things more powerful than those external stories from the outside world?

I was left with a messy mind, with questions travelling in all directions. Still.

And then my ears heard an innocent voice – Mumma, I am hungry! 🙂 🙂

May be god has his own way of reminding you of what you should care about, what is important and what makes your life beautiful!!

Me and Her!

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positive-self-talkI kept noticing her in every now and then. Sometimes I felt she was just like me, other times she seemed a complete stranger.

She keeps running pillar to post – every minute of the day. I was striving to understand what is she trying to do with her life? What keeps her busy around the clock? My curiosity to know her more increased every time I saw her.

And finally today I got the chance to talk to her.

Smiling face, cheerful eyes, energetic body and a composed mind – impressive personality, I thought!

I took a step forward to start our conversation. “hello” I said with a little hesitation. “hey hi” was the answer – from her. From the other person – surprisingly, she resided within me. The person who had been occupying my body, heart and soul – unknowingly – my own self.

So here I was – standing in front of my own outer self.

I see you doing 1000 different activities. Home, office, gym, friends, family, functions, temple, parties. What keeps you going? How do you manage all this? – I asked, still with a little element of surprise in me.

She smiled back – it’s you who keeps me going darling! – an assertive voice replied.

Me?? What?? How?? Storm of questions rose inside. What are you talking about? I always felt I should be like you?

I am always in my own world, day dreaming, hoping for miracles to happen. I like to be quiet, to sit alone, keep thinking for anything and everything forever. How can I be a reason for such an inspiring life of you! People admire you, I am not even noticed.

She understood my sea of thoughts. Listen – she said. Whatever I do are my responsibilities. Not that I don’t enjoy them, but the reason I do them has a partial influence of others.

What I do along with you is my true happiness. Without boundaries, without thinking about anyone else but me. That feels like my own space of being just me – My space that rejuvenates me, cuddles me with love and care, motivate me to chase my dreams, makes me feel important!

Think about it, how our conversations with others are shrinking these days. Conversations meant opening-up for your heart to your beloved before, sharing how you “feel” – being together, doing things together, fighting for something, being crazy, being upset – every emotion that you felt.

It’s very different now. There are mere talks now. “How” has transformed to “what”. What did you do today? What is it for dinner? What’s your plan for weekend? World of “updates”

Isn’t that the reason, people feel lonely, demotivated, uncared, unloved?

Everyone wants this emotional balance in life, they want to experience depth of emotions – no one knows how to achieve it? Is it because of the time, or the incapability to express, or the ego of why me first, or the priority to materialistic happiness? No one cares.

Everyone settles for a day-to-day operational life and keep boosting themselves, or rather lieing to themselves about the perfect world they have carved for themselves.

In all this, my dear, if I have you to share my heart – M I not blessed? 🙂 The warmth in her voice touched my heart.

I had no words in my mouth, no questions in my head – just teary eyes. I didn’t know how to react.

I just walked away – with a gratitude for my “inner self” Thank you, I said to myself. For taking care of the “real” me.

 

 

 

It’s your story.. dear woman!

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womanbAlarm rings.. 5am.. With drowsy eyes and a strong undesire to get up, I try locating my mobile – just to swipe the snooze button and get that “10 mins more” sweet sleep..

10 mins gone…. alarm rings again.. Why can’t gadgets too feel lazy sometimes? 😐

Finally I make my mind to get up.. Do I have an option?

Slow pace and rubbing eyes, I am out of the bed.. Yet another long day ahead..

And then it strikes me – ohh its special day today.. it’s Women’s Day.. it’s a day to celebrate the pride of being a woman.. to cherish the achievements.. to feel like a queen!! 🙂 🙂

As I start my home chores, I think.. how is women’s day gonna be different at home? I still have to go for walk, make my own coffee, cook, get my handsome little one ready, drop him to school.. aemm.. countless big and small to dos.. So am I really proud of being a women with an endless dance on the toes?

Yes, I am proud – A strong voice shouts from within. Look at the way I multi-task the whole day. I manage my home, my work, my son’s home-work ;), my husband’s taste buds, my parents, my friends, my maid (most importantly), my hobbies, my aspirations!

My world – just a perfect one! 🙂

And then I become a role-model.

TO my son, unknowingly I am teaching him that woman deserve equality, they are not meant “for-home chores only”. I am teaching him to be independent, I am letting him grow more like an individual – obvious reason – I am not around him all the time. I am working!!

TO my husband, I am assuring him that I am there – to share responsibilities – he is not a one man army! I am there to contribute in every little thing we do for our home, an ear for his office troubles – as I have them too! a strong back-up, when he wants to fly for his professional aspirations – he doesn’t need to be holding his discomforts for the sake of home responsibilities.

Wow – what a proud feeling – a working woman, yes I AM!! B-)

9am, I drive Avneesh to school, and keeping my cool, drive through the traffic jams and honking to reach office. I do a bit of make-up before settling on my seat 😛

and then there are e-mails flooded with wishes – happy womens day – from bankers to marketers to shopping sites – all are in full swing to please women!!

HR team makes sure we feel on top of the world today! Flowers, special gifts, games, motivations speeches – I love every moment of this enjoyment! Yes – I tell myself – such a blessing being a working women – happy, independent – full of self-esteem! 🙂

As the day passes and the clock strikes 1, all head for the “special lunch for beautiful ladies”. My heart runs home to see if Avneesh had food? Did he like it or left it halfway? Did he take his morning fruit?

I assure myself that all is going to be well and I don’t need to stress. Wasn’t I convinced with the thought of making him independent??

Day passes by. My mind keeps wandering around home. Did Avneesh do any new thing today that I missed to see? Did he speak a new word?? He must be missing mumma for a garden play, poor chap! 😦

Evening arrives as I start wrapping-up my work. What a pleasant weather it is – perfect for family time with coffee and chitchats! I smile with this thought.. I am sure my husband too would have been missing this! A day-dreamer in me visuals us together!

And then comes an e-mail – urgent action needed. Errr.. Does that mean I am going to be late? Is it yet another miss to a great family evening?? Hmm..

I know my people will understand.. They won’t complaint at all.. They know it’s a need to support family.. Still.. what is this feeling of incompleteness? Would it have been better to let go career, stay at home and enjoy every moment with family?? 😦

SO I finish the urgent tasks and get back home.. It’s too late for a refreshing coffee in the “tiny-fortune paid” home with amazing view from balcony.

Let’s cook-eat-sleep. Simple plan now. 😐

And the day gets over.

This is not just my story – but story of all the women in this world – working or not working doesn’t matter. It’s the story of tremendous patience and balance in a woman’s mind.

It’s about the power a woman has to handle these extremely opposite emotions of pride and guilt every single day!

I am proud of this power, I am proud of this balanced mind. I am proud of being a woman – god’s complete package deal!

Happy women’s day!

 

Love is.. what it is.. ♥♥

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I couldn’t gather words..
When I was asked, what love means to me
I just know with you it was special and new
Something that was gifted only for me

When we first met..love
Love meant that blush sitting by your side
That slight hesitation, that excitement I couldn’t hide
Every song lyricked my feelings for you
Always wondered if u also felt me in you?

When we got along..
Love meant a dreamful journey with u
Growing old together, in happiness and blue
Having family, raising our kids
Making our home, a bit by bit

Now after many years..
Love is a mature feeling of us
A habit, a comfort, a bond of trust
It’s the completeness u bring to my world
Every moment of life, worth to behold!

There is just one thing I feel hasn’t changed by time..
You rule my heart, what more to say?
How more can I explain this cute little play
You are still the first thought when I start my day
I think of just you, when night is at bay!

In my own world of thoughts..

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Rapunzel-disney-tangled-33514359-2560-1600In my own world of thoughts..
I always dreamt about that one presence
That emotional bond, that secure essence

In my own world of thoughts..
And there you came one day,
Tickling my heart, with a silent say
May be just to complete that one thing
Which I always missed, somewhere deep within

I crafted my own innocent cloud
I heard my inner self clear and loud
Without boundaries to imagine
I sailed my way, yes I did shine

As I kept experiencing you each day
I learnt, I saw, I did have a small play
And then did I realise, its yet another illusion
Should I be silent, or sort out the confusion?

It’s just a perfect world, all around me
Then what makes me miss, something that I can’t see
Something like the waves and sea shore
They thrive to meet, they want just a bit more!

I myself then carved a smile around
Does it have something to Bound?
Is it just a wait and watch game
Or I will someday, get my share of fame!

In my own world of thoughts..
I wish I will have that Day
Where I am the Queen – just everyday..

Old Age (NEW) Home

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takingcareofelderlyMy neighbors – the sweetest couple I have ever seen in my life. Ajji-Ajoba as I call them (grandpa and grandma).

Ajoba, in his late 60s, is a retired person from a manufacturing company. Ajji has been a home-maker ever since she understands “marriage” – since just a decade minus her age.

Every day I have multiple “eyes-breakers” with them. In the morning, when I open the door to collect the milk bags, both of them are going for a walk; when I leave my son to school, they sit relaxly on their sofa enjoying breakfast and tea; when I leave for office, there’s a quick instruction of “go safe” for my ajji next door.

They do not believe in the modern – close doors and sit policy. Their home welcomes everyone with a smiling face – anytime of the day.

It’s been 6 months now that I know them and they have become our extended family.

I just love the way they complement each other, they understand each other’s need without uttering a single word.

Last month..

They decided to go to an old age home and stay. Initially, I didn’t understand why was this even needed as a thought?

They do have 2 kids, both settled in the US. Neither the children want to come back to India, nor Ajji-Ajoba wanna go and settle in the US. Their children though, did buy a flat for these old parents – as a part of social responsibility.

I wasn’t at all convinced of this whole idea, still decided to give an ear to why they think it’s a great deal to be in an old age home. They have their own reasons. They had a struggle every day for cooking, cleaning home managing their needs on their own and so on.

They looked very excited about the shift. They described the old age home as a place with all the amenities they need – just under one roof. An ATM, Hospital, Medical Shop, Recreation Club and most importantly – people of their own age to mingle with.

The room they had chosen was a beautiful one room kitchen kind of arrangement, with tea coffee was just a button press away!

They explained me the ease they will have there with no tension to think of buying groceries or vegetables, no tension if maid doesn’t turn up, no worry if there are power cuts and they don’t find things in the dark.

Hmm, not such a bad idea, I thought for a moment.

With a lot of enthusiasm pumped in their blood, they left and I also happily waved a  bye-bye to them promising that we will surely be in touch.

Few days later..

I started missing that elderly presence on our floor. In this busy world, you need someone to tell you that you need to have food on time, you need to pray etc etc and etc… :), isn’t it? Ofcourse, our parents do that. But practically, we have come far from our parents too..

I decided to visit them. They welcomed me with the same happy gesture. They looked content. They shared stories of how Ajoba was thrilled while playing Carrom with his “new” buddies after many years, how Ajji goes to temple with her new girl friends 😉 How they loved that small picnic to Japanese garden! And yes, not to forget, the coffee was really a button press away. The well dressed staff of the old age home got us coffee in just 5 mins.

Amazing! I felt so good for them. They are delighted to the fullest! They are making the most of the life after retirement!

With the satisfaction of meeting them, I came home and got back to my routine life..

Last week..

I was surprised to see Ajji-Ajoba back in their flat. A thunder of questions hit my brain – did they come just to collect some stuff? Were they not able to manage in the old age home? Are they ok? This is something wrong with them?

I went running to see them and figure out. The same smiling face revealed that they have shifted back to their flat and cancelled their stay at the old age home

What?? I said? You were so happy there?? A curious me questioned.

Gathering courage, Ajoba said.. Yes, we were very happy. But the fact is that we are old. And we are going to die soon.

People in the old age home are also our age.

It breaks our heart in pieces hearing news of death of people in our group. Our heart is not so strong. It doesn’t let us sleep whole night. It makes us restless. NO.. we are not that strong to take it.

A moment of silence…………………………………………………………………………

I couldn’t utter a single word, just came back.

It’s been 2 days now since they are back. I see them settling again in the flat, keeping up with their routine.

Is this the life they had imagined when they were growing their children? Wouldn’t they be wishing to play with their grandchildren? Wasn’t they imagining a relaxed life on retirement assuming their kids will take care of them from now? Didn’t they dream of a complete family time?

Why is our generation not considering these points and running after success leaving parents to suffer?

I am not blaming only others. Even I make mistakes. How much time does it take for me to call my mom and ask if she has taken her medicine? Don’t we have even this much of time really?

How happy will they feel when we hold their hand and say – don’t worry, we are there for you! Why do we need old age homes ever in this world? The way their cared for us, can’t we give it back the same way?

I am speechless.

An evening (like) in Paris!!

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stock-footage-paris-france-circa-eiffel-tower-at-night-light-show-timelapse-paris-franceParis – the city every tourist dreams to visit. The city of love, the city of lights!

I am no different! I too imagine myself roaming in the crowded streets of Paris, clicking myself under the Eiffel Tower, witnessing the magic of lights under the open dark sky – somethings I have only read about.

What happens when I get the same experience – here – in Pune?

Aeem.. Are you thinking I have lost it? Comparing Paris to Pune?? 😐

Don’t know really. But the emotions I felt that evening weren’t any less than of being in Paris.

I think the inner happiness is felt from the moments we live, the emotions we feel in a certain situation – place is just a plot of the entire experience.

We started from home at 4 in the evening. It was a small plan – taking my son to a park, dinner in one of the restaurants nearby and back to home. A simple family weekend.

While on our way, I saw a newly opened amusement park. A temporary one built on a playground, huge hoardings of exciting rides, balls and balloons, ice creams and chocolates – a vibrant environment. The tall colourful lights on every ride were surely the most powerful attraction of this park. A lot of kids were standing in front of the park with their families and friends excitedly waiting for their turn to enter.

That momentary sight tickled my mind. Reminded me my childhood memories. It had been years visiting such a place. My father used to take us to amusement parks after our exams – a simple way to distress our little brains. 😎

Would it be a good idea to take my soon turning 2 years son to this place? A thought pricked. Well why not – I said to myself. But isn’t he too small for this place? Caring mom in me peeped.

After a couple of thought exchanges between my caring side and my practical side, we made our way to the amusement park.

We entered the amusement park. Every ride had a queue of kids waiting desperately for their turns. The Mary-go-around, the Columbus boat, the dash-the-car, the jumping jack – all were full of joyous screams! I must say – those innocent smiles have an extra ordinary power of refreshing our lives!

Out of the few rides suited for my son, we made him sit on a play car ride. A simple one with 5-6 cars rotating on a small horizontal wheel like structure.

His way of holding the steering, the joy in his sparkling eyes, the way he waved his little hand every time the car passed by us – the complete experience was a speechless delight!

I think more than he enjoying his first time visit to such a park, we were amazed seeing his play. 🙂

He played few more rides – a bike ride, a small dragon ride, a helicopter ride – with the same enthusiasm and energy.

At last we went to the jumping balloon ride. It was a huge balloon with a netted flat base where kids can keep jumping. They had kept some balls inside to add more fun.

There were few more kids inside the balloon – between 2-5 years of age. I was scared initially – fearing he will get hurt if another kid falls on him while jumping. So I stood a bit far while my husband dropped his inside the balloon.

At first, he didn’t understand what to do. The moment he used to try standing, the balloon would shake by the jumps of other kids and he used to fall down. He tried couple of times, then just sat in the middle of the floor wondering what to do next. My husband read his mind, made some signs asking him to crawl and come to us, which he perfectly understood and followed. Then my husband holded his right hand and said – jump. He jumped and yay!! – he was doing exactly the same as other kids. He was happy for his success!! He kept jumping, losing his balance, kicking the balls that came near him. Adventurous – for him and for us.

Ahh, what a heartfelt experience was this!! 🙂

After the rides section was a small market area. We bought some toys for him, which he proudly carried. We got our family photo clicked in sketch style – that has become a frame in our bedroom now.

Wow, a great evening spent!!

I don’t know when I will go to Paris, but I am sure when we have our loved ones with us, every place has a Paris in it!! 🙂